Vurnels D&D Guide to Sleeping. I have to say this now because if I don’t I’ll forget it later. This is an extremely weird dream about a british show I was watching and eventually became a part of. But it didn’t start out this way.

Earlier in the dream I was playing a video game set heavily in D&D medieval fantasy. It’s style was hard anime a style simular to Sengoku Rance (A game I’ve never played) but it’s game play was more akin to Dragon Age (A game I’ve only played a little bit of) where you’d give commands to units in real time while fighting in third person. It was EXTREMELY hard and character deaths were permanent. Even the main character dying meant the protagonist would change. At one point I was fighting a boss character trying my best not to die by using all of my potion items and at another time I was directing a bird man to focus on a single target and leading the enemy into an ambush. I specifically remember saying “Okay I’m KEEPING you in the party” an naming the bird man Hatchet. Later in the game I found a tiny witch who would offer strange services for tons of gold. Things like turning you into a chair so a member of your party could relax on you. I picked a rat guy becauase I was curious to see if there was actually dialogue for a background character and there was. It was  like a weird way of social linking with your party members except the game warns you that in exchange for the money, your member would respect you less. The game “ended” as we arrived in the tavern.

The art style had completely shifted but in a dream you kind of just follow along like it was always this way and I was following the story of two british heroes who were bad at there job. They leave the tavern and they’re confronted with a teasing rogue who threatens to back stab one of the members just for fun but is “obviously joking.” I say obviously because after some talking the rogue decides to stab one of them anyway. This was essentially game over as the story shifted yet again.

This is where Vurnels D&D Guide to Sleeping comes into play. This was a show done only using grotesque puppets that looked like a cross between Jim Hensons work and that Genesis Music Video. The point of the show was it was an Anthology series explaining how not to traverse the dark fantasy world and how to succesfully live day and day. And it was DARK the show is full of murder, traps and poison as you would expect in a D&D game except this was ALL AROUND. Characters couldn’t go a second without trying to avoid a trap, having to deal with an encounter, etc. One story was about some gremlins (Basically level 1 goblins and kobolds) trying to get from one end of a forest to another. Out of the hundreds of them that tried to get to a tavern only 4 of them survived the rest dying in grotesque ways. The final party celebrated their level 2 advancement becoming “True heroes”.

Now the next part I remember vividly because I remember how frighten I was. In the tavern, I the watcher was being adressed by some old lady. I looked to my hands and learned that I was in the show this time and I was horrified seeing how easy it was to die in this world. But things started going weird as I learned I had the uncanny abillity to change things as they were happening. There was one point where a bunch of shady figures came in and I was so afraid of them I subconciously caused them to disappear. One of the patrons picked up on this and deduced that I was using some kind of strange magic to warp them outside of the tavern. He must have mentioned a way to find out about my uncontrolled abillity as I immediately left with the help of a ratfolk who was constantly trying to me in the back to test something. His theory was correct as I looked into my equipment menu (Yes this was a game again. Now a kind of dark fantasy sidescroller/rpg) and notice that I was equipped with an inremovable armor called “Plot armor” that was invulnerable to all sorts of attacks except a specific bow the rat was using. It had a 95% chance to dodge it’s attacks. What we deduced was every time I was hit by an attack I would lose a bit of invulnerability and then I woke up.

I frantically searched google for this name because it HAD to be a thing, right? It doesn’t exist and now I’m kind of think I’m losing my mind.

Heres another weird one

I was sent away on a missionary trip which should already be a red flag since I’m not religious at all. But I borrow my mothers car and drive there almost getting into 2 accidents because I was speeding. When I got to the location I was in this poor jungle village full of sick people.I met up with this doctor trying to find out what was going on. He explained to me that there was an epidemic going around caused by a virus that originated from a team of scientists trying to give animals superhuman powers.

Apparently this was the sight where the goat was slaughtered in Jurassic Park 1 and this was an event that was leaked to the internet. Ever since then the interest of seeing strange different things has grew so they started making animals with powers. The three types I remember were pigs with boxing gloves for heads, ostriches that could shoot bullets and extremely tough alligators. Well the scientists would kidnap the sick villagers and pit them in battles of 5 v 5 against these monsters and stream them to the audience. I had to get with a bunch of team members to shut down the operation basically shutting down this worlds version of a MOBA.

Also for some reason I was Soldier 76 teaming up with some other League champions. We succeeded but at the end of the movie I was watching (Yeah apparently this was a movie in theatres I was sitting in on) a sequel was hinted as Jinx, Kayn and The Joker plotted to use the idea of these killing games to get back at the heroes.

I had a MOBA dream guys.

Okay buckle  up for this one because this was a weird one. I was watching this movie called Burn Notice. And no I had to look up to make sure it didn’t exist. Its not based on the show. Burn notice was a story about two best friends played by Tim and Eric (Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim) who are forced out of their homes due to being unable to pay for their deceased mothers’ house. Despite the irony of them being in the exact same situation they land a job at a thrift store and hatch a plan to hide and live there until they get better lives. Unknown to them, the thrift store is a humongous labrynth in which our heroes find theirselves trapped. 

After stumbling through aisles and rooms of old furniture and clothing they come across some strange character including the only one I can remember, a kind of manic news reporter played by Daniel Radcliffe who is also lost. Dan is played up as a joke as he eventually escapes the labrynth, sets up his own radio station from home and is continually seen throughout the movie reporting on the events outside the thrift store. Tim and Eric eventually escape the labrynth surviving purely on snacks and changing into whatever clothes they can find. They just so happen to bump into two men with the exact same clothes they were wearing and are mistaken for two russian mob bosses after the men ran off. The two friends came into a deal of a life time as they just so happened to be in the location of a drop for millions of dollars. The actual mob bosses were presumed to be dead. Meanwhile it turns out the two friends were stuck in the labrynth for about a decade and a half. 

Radcliffes character reports that the world has been integrated  basically making the entire world a big America. Shared cultures, customs etc throughout the whole world instead of one country. This essentially throws the world into chaos somehow and anarchy runs supreme. After living the good life for about 2 years, Tim and Eric decide that the items they found in the thrift store were the keys to a satisfying life and decide to sneak back in. The employers however tell them that because they were stuck for so long to promise them to never let them return. Tim and Eric manage to get in anyway. But this time the labrynth is being guarded by a giant yellow snake. Eric manages to team up with…I shit you not … Mara Wilson (Famously known for playing Matilda). Eric manages to convince Mara to seduce the snake while he makes his get away. He escapes the thrift store labrynth barely and refuses to return or even look for Tim. Daniel Radclife makes another report to the audience. This time from his street corner as his house had been destroyed. Reporting that the world fell into poverty. Tim meets up with Eric and decide its best to share the knowledge of the labrynth of infinite products (Thats what its called I just remembered) Thus saving the world.

Like…
What?

Like I admit I’m feeling a bit sick to my stomach after that one. I have the biggest headache and I’m just confused. I’m starting to worry that there might be something wrong with me.

I know you guys don’t follow me for my weird dreams but I keep having these snippets that are so theatrical and amusing that I enjoy sharing them.

So this time it was a bit jumbled up but the story was basically about me trying to manage my brother in this youtubers contest. Turns out he was too old to compete for this schollarship/funding so I direct my attention towards this young up and coming rapper/pop star. The kid was basically a “Soulja Boy” like character but he did more than just rap. I make his acquaintance and end up becoming his manager. 

We’re out shopping for for supplies for his first perfomance when I stumble upon Nick Offerman (and I know it was him. You don’t exactly forget the face of Rob Swanson from Parks and Rec). My cousin was out looking for watches and I happened to be right by the sketch books so I asked Nick which sketchbook he’d think was the best just to get his opinion. Nick promptly asked me to hold on for one second saying “My phone just gave me a reminder with the kitty song so I know it’s an important one. One second.” After checking his phone Nick goes into Full passionate detail about which sketch book he’d prefer. While he’s ranting my mom and cousin come by astounded that I’m just chatting it up with him. She asks if she can take a picture, he doesn’t mind.

Anyway after this encounter we check out. I don’t think I was officially this kids manager yet but I was shadowing him close. It wasn’t until we prepped for his first performance that we really got close as it turns out he was pulling a crazy stunt that would most likely get him killed. I ended up saving him and getting into a fight with him behind stage while he was bloodied. The fight resulted into two weak men slapping each other with flimsy sticks unti we exhausted each other. I told him I only risked my ass to save him because he was extremely talented and it would be a shame for the world to lose him. We hug it out and he hires me as his manager.

Now this next part was the freshest in my head because it happened just before I woke up. For some reason I was really defensive about him. We got invited to an outing of youtubers with his friends. I was going to leave but one of his friends suggested I go because “That girl was totally hitting on you.” This short nerdy looking girl who was head of operations. She leads us to the cafe where all these youtube stars are chatting. She directs us to the back of the cafe with this child suggesting its where we belonged as these two had certain intelligence comproble to my guy. I was absolutely offended so I took a cup of soda and poured it on her head. She was too shocked to say anything. Meanwhile my guy took her at face value and started asking the kid really hard math questions to which she could answer instantly. She wasn’t insulting us, this kid was actually a genius. I felt so embarassed I poured my drink on my head and covered my face. I apologized and the head understood. The conversation devolved into talking about the next event and then I woke up.

klondork:

Okay. This is going to sound corny as shit. But it’s the absolute truth. I had an interesting dream.

I was driving back home. Not sure where I was coming from. Maybe it was after visiting my brother. I don’t know. Well anyway I happened upon a shop for Entermanns bakery. I wanted to buy a pie from them which is strange in itself because upon a google I realize ive never had an Entermans pie befofre. The ones I used to get was hostess. 

The establishment is just a normal house with a long tablr an asian man came from behind the counter. I eventually deceide to buy suplies for  the pie instead of buying some since the wife apparently didn’t have any available. She was so distressed byb this that she offered to just take back. I agreed. 

It was at this moment nad i M NOT BULLSHITTING YOU. It was at this memoment I realized the family was sometimes a dragon and someitmes a buffallo. The son had a nintendo Switch and several prints from different shows. The dad came out to play some kind of  Switch fitness game. He chose bowser as his character. We discussed the game and he explained that his son wasssssssssssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

*you know what fuck it imleaving that in. Thats how tired I am right now I keep doin this. Anyway i saw the sons list of proints and i was shocked to see that h—- heoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooothe infamous moelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the infamous molestia cccccccccccccraaaaaimage fulffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

ok im going back to bed  keep doo[]pppppppppppp falling alseep in the middle of typing basical i hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiibascalluy iwas about to confess who fuck thiss ill try to give details whni  I wake oup fuck

I don’t know if I should clarify the dream or just leave it a mystery with this.

I woke up at 5 because of the dogs and tried to type out what happened while I was constantly falling asleep on buttons and somehow I ended up publishing this saying fuck it and going to sleep.

I dreamed about ponies oh man let me see if I can remember thsi shit.

Basically the second movie was about and it was about them camping in the forest and getting lost in the wilderness and kidnaped by these giant spiders uh uh i distinctly remember being on the show like I feel like I won some contest and both my pony OC Klondike and my Dragon OC Jumble were in it. Klondike was one of the ponies captured and Jumble actually had a speaking role in a scene with Spike. I remember this because I remember seeing someone draw porn of my OC being inseminated by eggs. But most of the movie took place in the forest and Reinhardt and Torbjorn being there for some reason and

and it’s gone. I guess I mostly remembered the parts I was in. At the end of movie it showed images of all the OCs used and mines was a commission from FacelessJr where Klondike was being collared by Fido the diamond dog and

Man when I was in bed I knew as soon as I got up I would forget everything but I swear I thought I was watching an actual movie.

I seem to have weirder dreams when I listen to rain sound effects and eat late

I had a dream about a crpg and Terry Crews was in it. Fully voiced. He was hired to boss people around and extract money. You meet him later and he was the sweetest shopkeeper as opposed to being all menacing before. There was also a quest about a lizardman trying to find his partner and as you follow the quest you learn his partner was hiding from him because he was sick of adventures. His last adventure caused him to permanently have a hornets head and you had to convince him to either fess up or continue adventuring

I had a dream that I was watching basically an adult version of Toonstruck. Like Christopher Lloyd was there working with Tiger from An American Tale trying to stop a gang of cartoon pimps. There were tons of boob and sex jokes and sexy cartoons. Crash bandicoot was there. It was weird it had a plot and everything like I felt like this was an actual movie that exists.

I had a dream that I was larping and our team was losing hard so I left looking for reinforcements and I came across the staff of magnus but everyone was mad at me because instead of using its magic powers I just used it to trip everyone and it was so overpowered because I could just trip entire groups and my teammates could finish them off. We still ended up losing though.

I just had a dream where I was playing the new From game. It was basically Dark Souls 4 and it was so god damn surreal.

The first boss was the cavern you wake up from. Like the entire cavern desperately trying to drag you back into your grave. The first location was in these desert runes and you were in the middle of a sandstorm making it hard to see enemies. Most of the starting enemies had shields and spears.

There was a new critical system in which critical attacks weren’t just backstabs any more but you could crit by hitting an enemies specific weak points and they were not obvious. This meant attacking in certain ways as weapons have diverse movesets and aiming with a bow and arrow was extremely effective.

I met an NPC near a “checkpoint”, returned to a previous bonfire to find out that crafting weapons and magic all came from picking up shattered weapons from enemies. I accidentally made two flame resistant helmets and a pair of blades. The blades had a charging flip attack that would heal a small amount if you successfully finished a combo which saved my ass multiple times.

When I returned to the NPC and that bonfire, it was all an illusion and I fell down some dunes into a more prominent section of the runes where there were snake people

And then my brother woke me up to ask where the comb was. It seemed so real what the hell.