nudityandnerdery:

moghedien:

moghedien:

Me at a new Dungeons and Dragons game

DM: Please describe your new character

Me: ok cool *literally just says the lyrics of Short Skirt/Long Jacket by Cake*

needless to say, I’ve been thinking about this all day and have over analyzed this to try to determine exactly what this character would be. So class:

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond
I want a girl who knows what’s best 

Its clear from these lines that she has high intelligence and wisdom. Intelligence is emphasized with the lines “ She is fast and thorough/And sharp as a tack” and considering she is fast she likely has high dexterity. 

So this is a Dex/Wisdom/Intelligence build which makes me think that she is a ranger. She may, however be using a dueling fighting style instead of archery, since later lines say she “uses a machete” so she clearly has still with one-handed weaponry.

Her alignment is suggested in two instances. One being “With fingernails that shine like justice.” Though this doesn’t necessarily mean she idealizes justice, this can be implied. So she is on the good end of the good/evil spectrum, and because she “uses a machete to cut through red tape” she clearly is not lawful. She does not get bogged down with bureaucracy but cuts through it. There is not other indications that she chaotic, so I am inclined to call her neutral, making her neutral good. 

Her race is harder to pin down, but given that she was “eyes that burn like cigarettes,” that may suggest that she was red or orange eyes. This means  Drow or Tiefling. Now, given that she also has, “shoes that cut” this could suggest that she has sharp hooves, meaning Tiefling. I would also point out that she changes her name from Kitty to Karen, and Tiefling are known for taking on new names. 

So TL:DR, the girl with a short skirt and long jacket is a neutral good tiefling ranger named Karen who specializes in a dueling fighting style

This is the best D&D-related post I’ve seen in months, fantastic work.